Oprah on The Joy of Connecting (and Disconnecting)

The December issue of O: The Oprah Magazine has a special section on the benefits of connecting with and relating to one another ... and (of course) a number of suggestions for ways that people can connect -- or disconnect -- with others.  I felt more than slightly self-conscious going through the checkout line of the local Safeway with a copy of the magazine among my groceries.  But I decided to follow a tip from Bart Preecs and Dale Washburn, who told me of a woman in their office who had mentioned an article in the magazine reporting that isolation was the second leading cause of death, after lung cancer.  So I picked up a copy, and found a number of interesting articles.

In "The Hangout," Kevin Conley describes Joe, a cafe in Greenwich Village.  In addition to its having a great name, and its being a representation of a great good place, I'm inspired by the story of its proprietor, Jonathan Rubinstein, who gave up his job as a talent agent to do something he loves, employing his talents as a "supportive figure and understated facilitator" for the benefits of his new clients: the patrons of his coffeehouse.  Joe provides a space for "the sort of regular and sometimes aimless conversations that help you feel at home in the world."

Gretchen Reynolds offers some ways to reach out and connect to others for those who are "Feeling Adrift?"  She quotes from a number of sources, including Robert Putnam, author of Better Together: Restoring the American Community ("'take two parties and call me in the morning.' America would be a happier, healthier, more prosperous place if we connected -- one to another"), Rachel Naomi Remen, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather's Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge and Belonging ("When you learn about people's struggles -- what their hopes are, their dreams -- this allows you to find the common ground") and Lisa Firestone, co-author of Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion ("It's hard to hurt those with whom we feel we share something").

Finally, in "You Have the Right to Remain Silent", Martha Beck writes about some techniques she uses for disconnecting, which she claims "is as necessary as connection for creating a happy, healthy life."  The strategies include physically hiding (from everyone), electronically hiding (turning off phones, computers, etc.), assessing existing relationships ("connection investments"), ending those that are depleting (she uses the term squid for "people who seem to be missing their backbones, but possess myriad sucking tentacles of emotional need."), being insensitive (in a compassionate way), lining up some convenient excuses (for pseudo-spontaneously disconnecting) and being shallow (substituting joke emails for deeper exchanges where possible).  Beck is author of Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live ... yet another book for my Amazon wish list.